Rabu, 14 April 2010
When I was a child
I was so naughty when I was a child. When I was in the third grade of elementary school, I deliberately cut my little cousin’s fringe. I was used to cutting my Barbie’s hair but I thought that it didn’t challenge. Then I had a mischievous idea. When there was nobody at home except my little cousin and me, I did my idea. My action happened in my room. Like a famous barber, I cut my little cousin’s fringe. When I finished my action, I realized that her fringe became so disgusting. His fringe wasn’t flat and was too short. “Oh my God!”, I said. Then I hid at my friend’s home because I was so afraid of her parents’ anger. I felt so guilty. When I went home, I met her mother (my aunt), I begged her pardon. She wasn’t angry with me. She advised me not to repeat my mischievous action again.
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Hi, Astin..
BalasHapusNice to see you in your blog anymore..
It's me Risma, your teacher of past narrative..
Talking about naughty, I also did a bad thing to my elder brother when I was child. It just same liked you, the difference was I cut my brother's school uniform by scissors.
Well, children just don't realize with what they do, right....
Okay, lets see your writing...
I'm glad that you have two points there that you used in your writing.
First, your generic structure. You had applied it from orientation, even the problem and resolution was clearly stated in your paragraph.
Why I said problem and resolution? Because some narrative writing especially past narrative was merely similar to recount and what made it difference was just in the problem and resolution like in yours.
Second, you also combined direct speech in your writing in "oh my god". It gave at least variation compared to the others.
And for your grammatical error, I just found one thing but it was not a big mistake.
"I was used to cutting my Barbie’s hair"
What was tool that you used to cut your barbies' hair? Such kind of scissors, right...
So, I think the word "I" could be replace by #it# to refer the thing/tool.
And then still in the same sentence, I just want to point that "to" is followed with verb 1.
If you want to use verb-ing (cutting, in your example), you should use "for" instead of "to".
So, the phrase can be #to cut# or #for cutting#.
Okay, I think that's all from me...
And thank you that you did your job for the assignment that I asked you.
Okay, see you anymore Astin, and if you still have many questions, just write that in my blog..
Bye..bye..bye..Astin